Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Uninspirational

THIS BLOG ENTRY NOW HAS THE SRK SEAL OF APPROVAL!!

So those of you on Twitter may or may not follow celebrities. What some of me and my Fritters (that's my word for Twitter friends because tweeple is just silly) have noticed is that when the celebs have nothing interesting to say about their lives, they resort to bestowing all kinds of new agey, positive energy, life affirming crap via tweet.

Yesterday my Fritter Sachin (of the world famous Curry Smugglers who you MUST listen to. Click the link NOW!!) lost his shiz on one such celeb and told her what to do with her B.S. Of course, she tweeted back that she doesn't usually do that and he should actually read what she tweets on a regular basis before jumping on her and then he kinda apologized ....but the point is: It's annoying! These are celebrities who have success, money, fame and every material thing they could wish for. I don't want to have them shoving their musings about the "miracle of life" down my throat. So, Sachin asked for mocktations that are the opposite of inspirational and what he asks for, he gets. Please read below and feel better about feeling bad ;-)

Shoot for the moon but don't expect to do anything more than smoke, fizzle a little and quietly pop without ever leaving the ground.


As you lay down to sleep tonight remember someone somewhere in the world is thinking of you and how to defriend you without you noticing

No one can make you feel inferior... without you being inferior and I have some bad news for you...

Life is short...that's about it

Keep your head up and you'll trip over your own feet, probably get hurt pretty bad.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll sell them and we all starve.

Hope springs eternal but we die within like 75, 80 years

Love is the greatest force in the world so force someone to love you today

Love is all around you so what's wrong with you that you're alone?

Everyday is a miracle because there a million horrible ways you could die but you haven't...yet.

Winners never quit and losers are very well-rested and stay young-looking much longer

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you...unless you're suicudal then stay the hell away from me.

Walk on with a smile in your heart and you'll die of a very rare and bizarre heart condition.

Love yourself because if you don't, no one will. (@RedBlack75 Self love is the greatest kind of love really... @pareshg Consistently the most satisfying anyway)

Greet the morning with a smile because the rest of the day is downhill from there.

Always follow your dreams because real life sucks and it's better if you sleep thru as much of it as possible.

Always reach for the stars...it's a good way to check for B.O. without people knowing.

Together we can do anything! Without me though, you're hopeless.

It's always darkest before the dawn, unless you died in your sleep in which case it just stays dark.

You are in charge of your own fate! Remember when you worked at 7-11 and they wouldn't even put you in charge of the slurpee machine? You're screwed.

You are capable of things you never thought possible...and that's why you're under arrest.

Home is where they have to take you in...Whaddya mean restraining order?

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Dude, no problem, just hit on blind chicks.

The best way to summit your outer mountains is to conquer your inner ones first. It's a real shame about your inner broken legs.

Love means never having to say you're sorry. I love you. Now I'm going to treat you like shit and never apologize. This is great!

People often live not knowing what vast power is available to them, or more accurately, what vast power they themselves are. Luckily, you realized early on how powerless you are so you can avoid any unrealistic expectations.

Admit to your mistakes before someone exaggerates the story or, do what I do and blame your mistake on someone else and exaggerate the story before they can deny it.

The miracle of being alive is a very important gift. Too bad you got your life at God's white elephant gift exchange.

Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed...every morning a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle...when the sun comes up, you'd better be running. Cuz Sarah Palin's comin' and she's got a big ass shot gun and a helicopter!

8 comments:

Pitu said...

HAHA, I love! So witty, so snarky... so un Hrithik Roshany! BTW I think 'hrithikroshaning' should be a verb.

Erin Georgia said...

you're an inspiration....well, not really, I'm feeling quite blue now.... to us all.

*sigh*

I'm going to go eat something chocolate after that one!

(I kid they're hysterical!)

Beth said...

How did I miss Sachin insulting someobody? Who was it? Stupid meetings, keeping me from my social life.

Shell said...

Oh my God, I think you should write a book called "Almost Inspirational". But don't do it until I use some of these and call them mine!

Anishok said...

Too good, yaar, too good! :D

Together we can do anything! Without me though, you're hopeless.

Classic!

KJ@SLA said...

Love 'em! :) Plus, has the SRK stamp of approval!

LarvK said...

Haha...Very funny indeed..." People often live not knowing what vast power is available to them, or more accurately, what vast power they themselves are. Luckily, you realized early on how powerless you are so you can avoid any unrealistic expectations." and i liked the Gazelle one too, they're all hilarious...write a book, you'll get published for sure :)

Pitu said...

Yayyyyyyyyyyyy SRK read them!!!!!!!!!!