Sunday, April 4, 2010

The Eros Voice: I Know What He Wants and I'm Here to Warn You

I was watching the Ten Commandments this weekend and thinking, of course, about the voice of God. As Moses was talking to the burning bush I couldn't help but think of the voice of Eros Entertainment. You know the one I'm talking about. It compels you, it whispers to you in the dark and haunts your every waking moment.

Who is the voice? Where does he live? Does he work for Eros? Is he an enigmatic figure haunting the offices of Eros like the Phantom of the Opera? Does he know the UTV hand lady? What is this power he has over us?

I remembered the first time I fell under his powerful spell and decided to go back for a visit. I popped in the DVD of Om Shanti Om, sat back on my couch and expected a simple movie, instead I was thrust into a world of infinite and, well, vague possibilities. Or so I thought. It gradually became clear to me that a vast and frightening conspiracy has been at work in Bollywood for years and we are nearing the hour when these evil plans will be executed unless we can stop he who speaks but has no name!

First we are drawn through the cosmos almost against our will

to a place high above our home planet, Earth.

Suddenly, a divine light bursts from all the major land masses and like a volcano gives birth to new land, the Eros banner is thrust onto the screen with a fancy ribbon and two spotlights provided by God? the voice?

Then a montage begins and the voice hearkens to us, taking us all the way back to 1977. He then begins to recount the Eros story and the thrall they have held us in lo these past 33 years (the age of Christ when he died by the way. Coincidence?) They have made us laugh

(interesting poster child for laughter) they've forced our tears

they've made us stop and wonder why (just like me right now! This is getting eerie), they've made us feel the highs and touch the skies (WHO is this poetic, manipulator of emotions? Kyun?!)

Then the voice dazzles us with new fangled technology, digital convergence and new media! Then it reveals it's true bring about the one world government, see?!

Not just that, but it says it will take all of this to a new dimension! Is the voice a Traveller like in Star Trek? Has he achieved interdimensional travel? Will he take me with him? or is he taking Leo?

My God!! He's got Leo! Nahiiiin!!

Then, to my horror, like a veil being lifted from my eyes, the true nature of all this was revealed to me. The voice! The voice itself is responsible for the Indian diaspora (Eros is simply a front, you see) and now that it has disbursed Indians all over the world, it will be forcing the rest of the world to inhabit India.

And somehow Pierce Brosnan figures into his plot. Diabolical!!

Integrated studio model and global distribution seem to be the code words for this operation. We are being led like cattle to the slaughter I tell you!! There is then a series of subliminal messages embedded in the video to make us docile and complacent. As we sit hypnotized, the voice then tells us to prepare for the "quantum leap." So that trip through the cosmos, flying unprotected through space, is exactly what the voice has planned for all of us. We are being desensitized by being forced to watch this over and over so we won't struggle when our time to leap dimensions comes.

Once I woke from my OSO stupor and while I still had enough free will to do so, I did some more investigating into this vast conspiracy and what I found was cause for even more alarm. This secret information is hidden in plain sight on the internet . Pay particular attention to the way the voice has infiltrated everywhere and is not afraid to publicize it!!

"The group has its own worldwide offices in India, UK, USA, Middle East, Australia, Fiji and further liaison offices to service Bollywood fans in every nook and corner of the world. Eros has truly emerged as a leader in helping the World's largest Film Industry, reach all parts of the World."

Film industry?! I'm onto you Mr. Voice!

We have very little time left!! The voice is working on a 5 year timetable that started in July 2006

See what he's done there? He knows people are attracted to sparkly things.

"Eros aims to expand over next 5 years through increased distribution abroad, selling film content in formats, which can be viewed on the Internet and via mobile phones, and distributing the digital movies in India. EROS is truly taking Bollywood Places"

It's all just code for how he will remove us from our homes and transfer all of us to India where he can keep us corralled like sheep!

I also found older DVDS before this brainwashing program was put into use to prepare us for displacement. The groundwork for this forced removal has been being laid for years with other propaganda ads.

He tried magic first before technology and quantum physics.

"Spell-binding spectacles"

"Magnificence beyond belief"

"Irresistible charm"

..."the magical trance of Bollywood"

For 25 years, one name has cast the spell of Bollywood across the globe (name? Try one voice!). Insidious!!

At first I think he wanted to destroy the world all together.

Then, for some reason he changed his mind and decided to send Desis out into the world to ultimately take over.

See how he flaunts his magic

See how he has bribed Desis to leave India

it builds and builds until finally he tell us his ultimate purpose, the reason behind it all, the master plan is to be "taking bollywood....places"

wah, wah, wahhh. Huh?...big build up...tiny payoff, right? (That's What She Said) But you see, he was lulling us into a false sense of security with this vagueness. He didn't want to alarm us until he came back in his new technological avatar. He is still taking Bollywood to these mysterious and non-specific "places" he spoke of but now you and I know that those places are our homes, schools, parks and playgrounds.

Global domination is more like it.

So, who is the voice and why does he want to do this to us? I still have no answer to those questions. The answers I seek now are so much more important than that. How do we stop him? How much time do we have left? If I fail, can I have dibs on Mannat? These are the questions that haunt me.


Paresh said...

oh em gee.


Ness said...


I love the Eros voice! I love all the lengthy self-promotional trailers that come before the movies, but Eros Guy was the original... You may be onto something here. Something sinister...the first clue was Gabbar Singh making us 'laugh'. Yes. BRILLIANT.

Shell said...

LMAO! Words can not express how hard I'm laughing right now.

I wonder what would happen if the voice from Eros and the voice from Shemaroo combined forces. Could be cataclysmic. I think we should be worried.

Shell said...

PS. Mannat's already taken, don't you know!? Unless you want to share.

Anarchivist said...

Ha ha, yes, truly brilliant! I am so glad that someone has delved into the mysteries of the Eros Voice! I've long been a particular fan of the way he says "In-Flight Entertainment." Now I realize that it's triggering some subliminal response.

Anonymous said...

L to the O to the L! This is the loudest post I've ever read. How can it be that I could hear the EROS voice throughout?

@ Shell laughing at your thought of what it the, "voice from Shemaroo combined forces. Could be cataclysmic. I think we should be worried." I was also checking in and out of The Ten Commandments the other night & I thought:

1.) of how fabulous the bad acting was

2.) SRK could really rock the Charleton Heston/Moses part

3.) I'd like a bollywood remake

4.) I need to start watching more mythological/devotional Indian films.

Very amusing post and "excellent use of that's what she said."

Stephanie said...

You must be made aware that the Voice of Eros is none other than that of MEL GIBSON. YES, through the judicious use of voice manipulation technology, MEL GIBSON-arch antichrist-is infiltrating our homes and minds in his ongoing efforts at world domination.
Eros (note how similar the name is to that of a PORNO DISTRIBUTOR) is one more step in Mel's diabolical attempt to become "King Of The World" (see how Leo fits in---ahhh, it's all coming together)
Using the people of one of the most populous places on earth Mel will take Bollywood places indeed---into our homes! Our schools! Our blue ray players!
It will indeed be the APOCALYPTO he
so aptly envisioned, and Mel holding before him the banner of a wet, and perky nippled SRK will be its instigator. You HAVE been warned.

Pitu said...

HAHAHA fabulous! Also, I would like to point out that he employs imagery of rings as in "One ring to bind them" Sauron style. Surely not a coincidence?