Raavan or What You See Isn't Always What You Get

I saw Raavan today. I'm not doing a full review as I honestly probably need to see the film a few more times to say anything really intelligent about it but I did want to point out what I liked about it (since enough negative has already been said). As a former English Literature major in college, there are few things I enjoy more than a piece of art (be it film, TV, music, book, etc) that has some symbolism that I can sink my teeth into. This is why I love Mani Ratnam and his films. He generally makes intelligent films full of symbolism. This is what I liked about Raavan.

1. One of the main themes of the story is perception; how we perceive situations and people based on our perspective, who we are and who they are supposed to be. What we may find is that when we get to know the truth, a true vision of a person or situation, it may be very different than we thought at first glance. This includes the way we perceive ourselves until some event teaches us that we are different than we thought we were. This theme is illustrated very smartly by visuals in the film of characters gazing at each other through tree branches, reflections on the water, photographs and mirrors.

2. Another major theme is that of cause and effect and how it perpetuates a never-ending cycle, in this case a cycle of violence. Unless one party is able to engage the higher side of their being and willingly surrender the upper hand that is. This theme works in tandem with the perception theme when it is the "demon" who accepts what looks like defeat in order to stop the cycle.

3. The film is slow and a bit confusing pre-interval but there is a reason for that that I appreciate and I thought was quite well done. You're really not sure why everything that's happening is happening or why it's all so dire or why you should care. Post-interval, however, the motivation behind Beera's actions are revealed to the heroine, Ragini and to the audience at the same time. I thought it was quite smartly done because the audience goes on the same journey as the heroine. She has, I'm sure, her perception of why these things are happening to her as do we the audience, only to find out that things are not necessarily what she or we thought they were.

4. Santosh Sivan was, as always, pure genius. The cinematography is breathtaking. You MUST see the film for that if for no other reason. Every frame is like a painting. I wish my life was as pretty and dreamy as a Santosh Sivan film *sigh*

5. I really enjoyed Abhishek's portrayal of Beera. This is a character who is a bit unhinged even schizophrenic and I thought he played it quite well. He brought a frenetic sort of energy to the role along with a sort of mad intensity and at times a childlike petulance and ignorance of why what he was doing was wrong. I thought all of it worked and successfully walked the line between making the character a real person and a figure out of mythology. (Also, he looked really good with that black tunic plastered to his body)

6. Aishwarya was strikingly beautiful and did a superb job. She captured and conveyed some very complex emotions very well. She and Abhi had fantastic chemistry together which is, as we've unfortunately seen before, not always the case with real life couples.

7. Another train used as a symbol in a Ratnam film. I really like the idea of the train as a symbol of the inevitability of events once set in motion. Once two characters meet or once a discussion begins, fate has been sealed and events will keep moving relentlessly forward until the inevitable conclusion.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie because it was lovely to look at, the performances were good and it had nice visual symbolism to chew on. It wasn't my favorite movie and was quite slow paced for all the action and drama in it but that is kind of what I've come to expect from Mani Ratnam. His films end up being the ones that I want to watch over and over again because every time I do, I find something new that I missed before. His films have a way of haunting you and growing in your psyche. I can already feel Raavan taking up more space in my brain and the urge to not just see it again but examine and dissect it has already taken root.

Raajneeti or "Out Damn Spot! No? Ok, What's the Big Deal About a Little Blood on my Hands Anyway?

SPOILERS! Sorry but there is no way to review this movie without some spoilers (though I've tried to steer clear of specific plot points) so read at our own risk.

I really enjoyed Raajneeti. Yes, it was long. Yes, it was fairly violent. Yes, it's a film about politics. It's also an engaging, absorbing tale of filial duty, the sins of one generation punishing the next, the love of power for power's sake and good old-fashioned vengeance. It is truly Shakespearean storytelling and to try to talk about it or see it through any other lens would make it seem over the top and I believe it deserves better than that. So, if you're in the mood for Machiavellian political machinations and high drama in a morality play with a resolution as murky and gray as the characters and their motivations, Raajneeti is a must-see film.

The film started out with a lot of information about the characters and their relation to each other and the same with political parties. I was a bit overwhelmed and wondered if I would be able to make sense of it all. Eventually, I realized that those things were really just distractions from the real story of people and the corrupting influence of power. You have 3 hours of political families and parties vying to win the upcoming elections and not once does anyone discuss the issues, what it is the voters want or why it is they want to win other than they believe they are entitled to win. The candidates feed the populace empty rhetoric that has nothing to do with actually governing the people and the people are easily influenced by such rhetoric, not questioning any of what happens. This is why I say Raajneeti is simply an examination of power. It's about how obtaining a little bit of power causes an insatiable thirst for more power, how having power creates a hunger to maintain that power at any cost, how power blinds those who have it to the reasons they wanted it in the first place and how it brings out the worst in them.

I find I don't really want to talk about the specific plot points of Raajneeti. I found all of it interesting and it all served to illustrate what I saw as the overall theme. What I do want to talk about are the performances and chemistry between characters.

Hallelujah! Finally, Arjun Rampal has an outstanding performance. He was truly good in this role. He was perfect as the charismatic but less calculating and more passion-driven scion of a ruling political family. He got everything about the character right from the coldness of the manipulating politician to the vulnerability of the brother, son and husband motivated by his love of his family, to bloodthirsty and slightly mad man in the throes of revenge. His chemistry with Ranbir was fantastic! He plays the protective, older brother with so much affection that you believe that, as bad as he is, if he can love his brother that much, he must not be totally irredeemable. I have always wanted Arjun to be a good actor and he has far exceeded my hopes in Raajneeti. I hope he can be consistent in the future.

Speaking of consistency....Katrina Kaif needs to try it sometime. She wasn't awful but she wasn't very good either. She had some of her trademark wooden moments when you wondered if, like a claymation figure, they were posing her, taking a shot, moving her, taking the next shot and thus animating her. She had some moments that were pretty well acted too but her problem seems to be that you can see her thinking about her acting all the time. She tries too hard and you can see the thought process as plain as day on-screen. Her character was a pivotal one which could have resulted in a very moving and powerful performance had it been given to a better actress. It's a shame it was wasted on someone not ready for it, someone who may never be ready for it.

Ranbir Kapoor was fantastic as usual. He is an actor that, I believe, has enough stand out performances under his belt now to be counted on to deliver every time. I've said it before and I will say it again, he's got the "it" factor and is Bollywood's newest generation's brightest star. He has joined the very exclusive ranks of stars who will get me to the theater no mater what, Shahrukh, Hrithik, and Ranbir. That being said, I have been eagerly awaiting him in a negative or gray role and he delivers in Raajneeti and how! I actually think it's genius casting because he has that vulnerability and aura of niceness that he brings to all of his roles so that you are all the more shocked to see what he does and becomes over the course of the film. He plays cold and calculating brilliantly and makes it sexy! His performance was fantastic and compelling. An interesting point about his character...he may seem to be one of the worst people in a film full of really bad people but his character actually has the purest motivation of all. He is ready to leave all the politics to his family and return to his studies in the U.S. until something happens that causes him to seek vengeance for the sake of a loved one. He is the character most suited to the mantle of power and yet he is the only character that I believe doesn't do what he does for power.

Ajay Devgan...another good character played by a mediocre actor. He's better than Katrina but he needs to have more than one facial expression. Is the man capable of smiling? Has anyone ever seen it? And the way he carries himself...classic "smell the fart acting." Also, whose idea was it for him to play a 27 year old character? Ridiculous! Still, his performance was passable. I just, again, think another actor could have done more with it.

Nana Patekar...wow! He was outstanding as the patriarch/puppet master/kingmaker of all the political maneuvering in the film. His character will go to any lengths to protect the family's political position and power all seemingly with a chilling lack of conscience. He smiles and plays the caring chacha while peoples' lives are bought and sold and ended to serve his whims. His chemistry with Ranbir was terrific! They have some stand out scenes together that are great fun to watch.

The other actors and actresses are fine. Again, they could have found a better American actress to play Ranbir's girlfriend but she wasn't awful in the KJo tradition of white actors. Although, if I had to hear her say "summer" instead of pronouning Samar properly one more time...I would have gladly killed her.

Manoj Bajpai as Veerendra was a little too "filmi villain" for me. It was mostly his look that was a bit ridiculous and he had a few OTT moments. I think a better actor could have won the audience's sympathy more at the end when I think we were meant to feel something for him. I was too distracted by his filmi moochie and straight from the 70s wardrobe to feel anything for him at that point.

Nikhila Trikha is the debutante actress who plays the mother of the family. She was much better in the scenes where she was a young woman opposing her father's political party than she was as the present day 50-60ish mother of Ajay, Arjun and Ranbir. She just didn't have the skill to play the emotional depth needed and her scenes that should have evoked some emotion left me feeling cold. Maybe it was because I couldn't find anything sympathetic about her character at that point in the film. Any woman who allows herself to be controlled and then allows the same thing to happen to her children and lets them be raised to be what they become gets nothing but contempt from me.

Finally, Nasserudin Shah. He has a very small role in the film but he made the most of it. He was wonderful for the few minutes he was onscreen and I wish he was in more films.

So, Raajneeti is definitely worth seeing in my opinion. Even if you don't like the story I think you'll find the performances worth your time and money. I, however, think that you'll find this case study of the human hunger and quest for power compelling in and of itself. There is a lot packed into the last half of the film and I've already heard some people say it gets too filmi but when you play as deep a game as these characters do, consequences are to be expected. What goes around comes around. This is why I call it Shakespearean in scale. It is a heightened version of life...an absolute version, if you will. After all, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Kites, or I Don't Know What the Message is but it was Damned Entertaining

I have been waiting for this movie since I first became a Hindi film devotee a bit more than a year ago. I happened upon my first Hindi film Jodhaa Akbar when it was available for instant viewing via Netflix and I needed to test out my new Tivo wifi adapter. Hrithik Roshan immediately mesmerized me with his breathtaking beauty, screen charisma and talent.

Hrithik was my first love in Bollywood. Immediately after watching Jodhaa Akbar I googled him (what did we stalkers do before google?) and started finding out everything I could about him and watched and purchased ALL of his movies in quick succession. I quickly exhausted all of his films and so my focus shifted to waiting for Kites which was already in the works (until SRK entered my life and stole my heart... but that's another story for another day. I still love Hrithik and he is 2nd in my affections hence my continued anticipation for this film.) So today, after the release date being pushed back time and time again, I finally got to see Kites.

Normally, the kind of hype and anticipation that preceded Kites would result in me being disappointed by the final product but it turned out to be everything I expected it to be, a feast for the eyes, a real entertainer and just great fun at the movies. Anyone who expected it to be more than that...you're misguided at best and kinda dumb at worst.

From my perspective, as someone who saw a decade's worth of Hrithik's work all at once, I definitely think he made a huge leap in his confidence and comfort in his own skin and as an actor with Jodhaa Akbar, Dhoom 2 and Luck By Chance. One thing I was anticipating in Kites was seeing whether or not he had taken that further. I think the answer is that he demonstrates less potent sex appeal and mesmerizing charisma in Kites than he did in JA and Dhoom 2 but in exchange he seems to have grown as a dramatic actor. It's almost as if the compelling gazes and sexy expressions which he perfected in Dhoom 2 were put on the backburner for Kites while he mastered a more subtle style for his dramatic scenes. Now he just has to put it all together in the same film, the subtle dramatic performace with sizzling sex appeal, to really blow people away. This is not to say that there are no "Gah!" moments in Kites where he'll make you drool because there are...just not as many as in JA or Dhoom 2 (a moment on the boat comes immediately to mind and pretty much anything at the beginning of the film when his backstory is being established. Add learning to turn into a toothpick at will to life goals...you'll understand once you see the movie).

All of that being said, Hrithik gives a great performance...I just can't wait to see how he continues to evolve as an actor because I know he can be even better than he is in Kites. I guarantee you, from an American gori's perspective, if he were in a Hollywood film tomorrow, he would be an instant phenomenon in America just like he was in India after his debut. I'm not sure that "Kites the Remix", however, is the platform that will do that. The main reason being, the acting of the supporting actor who plays Tony is totally cringeworthy, enough so that it casts a serious pall over the entire film that may cause American audiences to have trouble taking the whole film seriously. Other than that, there were only two scenes that really didn't work for me and only two scenes that I noticed being lifted from or reminiscent of other films SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT>>>>>>>>>>
There is a scene between J and Natasha/Linda that takes place the night before her wedding to Tony in which they are discussing their motivation for why they are with Tony and his sister and discussing cutting their ties to each other. It didn't work for me. It was the one scene where I felt Hrithik's acting was less than convincing. The line delivery was just off for me. Others may find it charming...I just didn't.

The other scene that threw my mental brakes was one of the car chases. They have an extended scene of J and Natasha/Linda driving down an empty desert highway then the police come out of nowhere and start chasing them which is fine, it looks as though the police were laying in wait for them. That I can accept. What bugged me was how all of the sudden approximately 10 other cars suddenly appear on this previously empty highway in the middle of nowhere just so the police cars have something to smash into. It was poorly executed. The other chases, however, were great! I love a good car chase and so, apparently does Anurag Basu. The chases were fantastic and the stunts and action sequences were very well done and not at all cheesy.

The scenes that were lifted from or reminiscent of other films (this is a Rakesh Roshan production after all) were a scene where J sees Natasha/Linda through as fish tank a la Baz Luhrman's William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and a scene where Tony's father punishes a cheater in his casino which reminded me of Reservoir Dogs.

OK, so enough with the negative. On with the gushing!

Kites is a beautifully shot film. There are some scenes that are simply stunning visually. Two that I especially enjoyed were one where J is looking at his new car and the flashing lights of the casino sign are reflected on the car surface. It's just a great visual, very cool. The other is a scene of J and Natasha/Linda in the desert framed by rock arches...very pretty. I also appreciate the color coordination of the couples' outfits when they are on the boat. If you ever wonder in a Hindi film who is going to end up together, look at who is wearing the same color and you'll have your answer. I like that. It's certainly better than airbrushed T-shirts from the mall.

My two favorite scenes in the film are two quiet, tender scenes between J and Natasha/Linda. The first is when they make shadow puppets together. It's so sweet you can't help but smile and feel all gooshy inside. The other is a stand out scene for Hrithik where he tells Natasha/Linda about why the rain makes him sad. Really well written and exceptional acting from Hrithik.

The other scene that I loved was Hrithik's big dance number. He never fails to top himself. He is without a doubt the BEST dancer in Bollywood! The man must be made of rubber! Knowing a bit about how Hrithik prepares for roles, I can't even begin to imagine how many hours of practice he put into getting the dance right. He works incredibly hard yes, but he also has enormous amounts of natural talent. The scene is mesmerizing. I think I watched the whole thing with my jaw on the floor. The high splits alone will blow your mind.

As far as the music is concerned, I really enjoyed all of it and thought it was different than the usual Hindi film fare, it absolutely works both in the context of the film and as stand alone songs...that is except for Kites in the Sky. It pains me to criticize Hrithik's first attempt at a movie song but this song just does not work! I think Hrithik is a decent singer...probably better than this song indicates. It's just a bad, bad song (Rajeshji did a bad, bad thing). The lyrics are beyond cheesy and the arrangement is awful. Upon hearing it before the release of the movie I know some kept an open mind thinking, "Oh, it just needs to be heard in the context of the film" Nope! In fact, it may have been slightly less cringeworthy if used in a different scene, a quieter scene. As it is, the context in which it is played just adds to the reasons why the song doesn't work at all. I hope Hrithik sings again...just a much better song.

Barbara Mori is gorgeous and sexy but sweet at the same time. You can't help but fall in love with her just like J does. She's a fresh, talented actress and is especially touching during the climax of the film. She will break your heart in the scene where she saves J's life. I am curious to see what she does next.

Hrithik's performance I already touched upon but I will say a bit more (mostly because there are few things I like more than rhapsodizing about Hrithik and SRK). In the beginning when they are showing us J's life in Vegas, Hrithik couldn't be hotter! God, he's sexy! But I digress. He does a great job playing a convincing...well, player. He then transitions beautifully to devoted man in love. He is totally believable as both. He is also really funny in a few scenes. I would love to see Hrithik in a *smart* comedy. He has some great comic timing and expressions. His most affecting scenes were the quiet scenes between he and Barbara. He's fantastic at sweet and sincere. He has also really gotten good at the big drama scenes. He held back the lip and nostril quivering (well, there's a little bit of that but not too much) puppy dog-eyed histrionics. He was subtle and believable. His physical performance complimented the scene rather than detracting from it by being too over the top.

As for the much speculated about on-screen chemistry between Hrithik and Barbara...it is powerful, no doubt. I would, however, not call it sizzling or hot or anything with a sexual connotation. There are a couple of steamy moments to be sure and they are certainly very beautiful together but I found the chemistry to be more emotional than physical. When they look into each other's eyes, you really believe that they love each other not just that they want to jump each other. Oh and for those of you who care, there's not just one kiss in the movie...there are at least 4 if my count is right. ;-)

The supporting cast, with the exception of Tony (Nicholas Brown) and the train station agent, are quite good. I especially liked Kangana in her limited role and Anand Tiwari as J's friend Robin.

So what is the message of Kites? I don't know. Does it need one? At the beginning, there is a scene with two kites in the sky with a narration that likens them to two lovers but we are cautioned that the kites don't have control of their actions or fates, those who hold the strings do. So, who then controls the fates of our lovers if not they themselves? The rich and powerful Tony and his father? Fate? There's no clear answer to that especially since J and Natasha/Linda individually have chosen paths that are less than noble so they can't really blame anyone but themselves for the people they find themselves beholden to. Then they continue to make poor decisions that lead them to their ultimate fate. So the story seems to actually contradict the "theme" of the kites. Anyway, like I said, does this movie need a message? Nope. It just entertains and does so thoroughly. I'm recommending it to everyone just with a parenthetical disclaimer about "Tony's" acting.

Rocket Singh Salesman of the Year

Rocket Singh was not at all the movie I expected it to be.

So, let me take this opportunity to talk about the way some Hindi films are marketed. It seems to me that occasionally a film comes along that the producers are afraid to market for what it really is for one reason or another. Chance Pe Dance was marketed as a dance movie when it really isn't. It's a movie about a guy who wants to be an actor. Just because they had Shahid Kapoor they thought they had to market it as a dance movie I guess. I suppose, in that movie's case, they had to look for the best thing they had and go with it. Another film that comes to mind is Life in a Metro. I was really excited to see this film when I saw trailers for it. It looked like a nice, gushy film about various couples at different places in life. What I got when I finally watched it was a tawdry, infuriating film about people twisting love and mistaking physical intimacy for what's most important in life. (If you want to see the movie that Life in a Metro could have been see Playing by Heart) And now, Rocket Singh. The ads for this made it look like a high energy comedy of some sort. I was reluctant to see it because it looked like it would be slapstick and quite possibly ridiculous. Instead you have a thoughtful film that moves at a realistic pace. Nothing earth shattering happens and it's just about regular people going about their mundane lives but figuring out how to be as dignified and as happy as possible in the process. Now that is a movie I would have been anxious to see, a movie I really enjoyed once I overcame my misgivings caused by the ads. So what I'm saying is, don't be afraid of your films people! Especially just because they're not the typical BW fare, a good film will stand for itself. You do the films a disservice by marketing them based on what you think the audience wants to see. Market them properly and let them find their audience.

The main reason I decided to watch Rocket Singh, despite being wary of it based on the marketing, was Ranbir Kapoor. I believe he is definitely the best of Bollywood's younger generation of actors. He's that rarest of commodities...a really good actor. Beyond that, he's got the "it" factor. I don't think it's the super mega-star "it" factor of SRK but he's certainly more compelling than any of his peers and many of those who've been at it much longer *cough* Saif Ali Khan*cough* He has a great vulnerability about him and a genuineness that translates to his characters and really makes you care about them. I can't wait to see his future films. I especially want to see him play a grey character which, if the trailer for Rajneeti can be trusted, may be coming very soon.

On with the film review.... At first, Rocket Singh made me uncomfortable and, quite honestly, depressed me. I think it's because I identified with Harpreet so very much. He's a middle class boy being raised by his grandfather who graduates from college with below average grades. He passes the test to go for an MBA course but can't afford to pay for it so he goes out into the work world. He ends up in a shitty job that quickly sucks away any enthusiasm he had about entering the adult world and starts to change his attitude towards his life in general and his loved ones. The movie does a brilliant job of showing you what effect a horrible job can have on every aspect of your life and, as I once said about one of my jobs, can kill a little piece of your soul every day. Harpreet is a good guy and he gets punished mercilessly for doing the right thing. He finally decides to take things into his own hands and show those who have put him down that he is more than they have given him credit for.

Without getting into major spoilers, let me just say that Rocket Singh is a great example of how Bollywood can make movies that will appeal to an international audience without losing what makes them wonderful. It's a good story with a tight plot, good dialogue, believable characters and nothing over the top. There were a few instances in the plot where the characters had a choice to make. Had this been a Hollywood film, the characters would have gone with the cynical, negative choice. In this movie, however, they made the choice to trust, forgive, do the right thing and that is one of the best things about Hindi films. They have a hopefulness that the West has come to view as too uncool or unreal. (I'm really sad for us if hope has really become too "unreal" to even be portrayed in films. This is why I watch more Hindi films than American films these days.)

Overall, I thought Rocket Singh was a good, solid film. I identified with it and was interested in the characters and their journey. Ranbir gave a strong, engaging performance. The supporting cast was solid, especially Prem Chopra as Harpreet's grandfather. Rocket Singh tells you that you can't let other people's expectations of you write your destiny (nicely illustrated in a scene where the formerly slimy supervisor is misjudged by his new parters in Rocket Sales) Ultimately, it's a movie about not letting the world around you make you lose your self-respect, about getting the life you deserve the right way even when everything tells you you can't and about knowing that you're more than what's written in black and white and more than someone else's opinion.

Kurbaan...It's All About Being Too Much of a Pansy to Say the Right Thing With Your Film

Karan Johar and I are so in a fight!! Too bad he doesn't have a clue who I am because I have a few things to get off my chest about this “film”.

Many of you may argue that this is not Karan's fault because the film was written and directed by Rensil D'Silva, Karan only produced it via Dharma Productions. I say that's crap! (witness the self-control I'm using in avoiding profanity.) This movie has Karan's dirty little fingerprints all over it! I know when I've been Joharred and believe me I have been, and how! But don't take my word for it. There are plenty of articles out there discussing how this originated as Karan's story before Rensil took over. I have my issues with Mr. D'Silva as well which I will get to. For now let me just say that these two making a movie together is as good an idea as say casting Uday Chopra in Jodhaa Akbar instead of Hrithik Roshan...yeah, ponder that one for awhile.

Kurbaan is supposed to be primarily a love story set against a backdrop of “global terrorism”. Charming concept. According to Karan himself,

“Of course the film is conveying an important point of view with an eye on global terrorism. However, at the heart of it all, it's a love story and that itself is its biggest strength too. This is what constitutes for an emotional narrative against the backdrop of terrorism. Of course emotional strength is the film's mainstay but I can confidently state that Kurbaan does scratch the surface more than any other film based on a similar subject. Still, we are not making a political or a social commentary here.”

Can someone explain to me how one makes a film with global terrorism as a “backdrop” without making a political or social commentary? No wait, never mind, I saw Kurbaan. You know what it's called? Irresponsible film making and the worst kind of fence sitting.

Setting the ridiculousness of the film's premise and execution aside for a moment, I want to talk about how Karan and D'Silva portray terrorists and terrorism in their films, the damage done by refusing to take a strong stance and what seems to be Karan's attitude towards Americans in general. When I started watching Kurbaan, I knew it wasn't directed by Karan but I didn't know who the director was or who wrote the script. It didn't take long to figure out. After the terrorists got two impassioned speeches (Riyaaz's argument in Ehsaan's class and Aapa's explanation to Avantika) in which to make their case that even had me thinking “Gee, maybe they have a point” and, to a lesser extent Riyaaz's conversation with his father upon his return from covering the war in Iraq, I got a feeling of deja vu. I thought, “Man, this feels a lot like Rang De Basanti.” Imagine my lack of surprise when I googled the movie afterward and found Rensil D'Silva to be the man behind both films.

I have spoken at length in my Rang De Basanti review about the misplaced and inappropriate romanticism with which D'Silva portrayed characters who were, for all of their school boy charm, still just murderers, terrorists. I took it easy on him there because he was dealing with freedom fighters from another era as well as present day but now I think I was wrong in doing so. I was wrong because he does the same thing in Kurbaan with people who murder their wives and keep the body in the basement until it stinks, imprison their wives to keep them quiet, blow up a plane killing over 200 members of a UN delegation, plan to blow up seven subway stations in New York and all the while justify it by claiming it is but a small repayment to the US for the number of people killed in bombings of Afghanistan and Pakistan.

The justification given for terrorist activities (which 9/11 is confusingly lumped in with) in both big scenes is the personal impact of US bombings of Afghanistan and Pakistan on the characters in the film. When did we bomb Afghanistan and Pakistan before 9/11? The message and motivations are so muddled in this film that at the end, even though the filmmakers proclaim to make no political commentary, they end up making the terrorists look more sympathetic than anyone else in the film. Every reason the terrorists give for their actions either goes unanswered or the response is shot down by further justification until no one opposes the terrorist viewpoint anymore apparently because they have run out of arguments. The scene in Ehsaan's classroom is just painful to watch. So, are we to assume then that the the big counter argument that terrorism is bad is the consequences of the terrorist's actions, death to all? If that's the case, the argument is made pointless by killing so many innocents too. If you're going to be so explicit with your terrorists' arguments for why they do what they do then you have to do the same with condemnation of those acts. Otherwise, you end up with Kurbaan and Rang De Basanti, two films that make terrorism look romantic and patriotic.

But what did I expect from Karan, a man so politically correct and terrified of offending anyone that he issued a written apology to the Shiv Sena goons and posted apologies at the multi-plexes for using the historical name Bombay in Wake Up Sid. Hey, Karan, here's my advice to you, strap on a pair of balls and learn how to use them! And while you're at it, stop looking down your nose at Americans at the same time you use our cities and technology to make your movies. This movie was originally supposed to take place in London but the English denied them filming permission due to sensitivity over recent London tube bombings. I wonder if the story would have been quite so insulting had it been set in England as opposed to the U.S. I have an ugly hunch, it would not have.

It is sadly becoming clear to me, Karan, that you think that all or at least the vast majority of Americans are ignorant, bigoted yokels. The irony here is that you believe you're so much smarter than we are and yet your movies keep proving the opposite. Have you gotten a clue yet as to how offensive your black stereotypes in My Name is Khan are? And am I right that you consistently pick the worst American actors you can find for your films on purpose, giving your audience or your colleagues something to feel superior about? Or is this how you actually see us? Then again, your Indian heroes in this film do some of the dumbest things I have ever seen so maybe you just think you're smarter than everyone. In any case, the irresponsibility, naivete and downright stupidity you have consistently incorporated in your movies of late show you to be the ignorant one and the thing I hate most in this world, a self-oblivious hypocrite.

Examples of film maker's stupidity...I give you, the ridiculousness of Kurbaan:

The background score over the opening credits- When will Hindi films about serious subjects quit using Mission Impossible/Bourne Identity type jaunty tunes to open with? It's inappropriate and sets the wrong mood from the beginning. Terrorism is not a fun adventure romp. Cut it out.

Note to Saif- when you have the surgeon pull your face back that far to get rid of wrinkles, you need to remind him to move your hairline back down. Aiee! That's enough forehead for 3 heroes.

Note to Kareena- Get a new make-up artist. Half of your eyelid should not be covered with black eyeliner no matter how exotic you want to look. Cleopatra would look askance at you. Also, the snot at the end...I guess that's what you think qualifies for great acting and gritty realism? Was gross. I'd rather watch Poo on repeat than see that again.

Saif and Kareena's chemistry was gross. Felt like I was watching Saif and Kareena foreplay as opposed to characters falling in love. Major backfire!

What is with the fade to black and long pause as scene transitions? Horribly amateurish.

Ehsaan's job interview- Horrible American actor is no surprise but the dialog!!! Why don't you just have him come right out and say that Americans are closed-minded bigots who will attack anyone they perceive to be Muslim without a second thought. Oh, I know why. You think you're cleverly veiling your opinion of us. You undercut everything in the film about the dangers of fundamentalism when you make the US out to be full of idiots so xenophobic that the argument could be made that we deserve what we get.

Let's talk about the way Avantika treats Salma's cry for help. She doesn't call Salma's friend immediately as requested, let alone the police and when she does tell Rihana, no one takes it seriously. “Oh, it's probably just a typical case of domestic violence.” (And in what world is THAT an acceptable response anyway?) “Yeah, I'm just over-reacting, teehee.” I've never seen anything so idiotic in my life. Oh wait, yes I have...the way Avantika creeps around the wife beater's house, goes into the cellar, overhears a terrorist cell plotting, finds Salma's dead body, cries out alerting terrorist cell to her presence, runs to home across the street, locks door and stands there staring at it while terrorists break into home. Now, she's stupid enough to deserve what she gets.

If you want to take a moment in your film to make a point about racial profiling in airports, a scene that takes place only days after a plane bombing that kills 200+ members of UN delegation is not going to make the strongest argument. Someone may argue that Riyaaz reacted the way he did in this scene as a way to ingratiate himself to Ehsaan. If that's the case then the direction for the scene is horrible because there is nothing in the performance to suggest that. He doesn't do this until he sits down after the bag search. I'm just guessing because I can't believe any director could be that ham-fisted but I should have suspended this disbelief long ago I suppose.

Karan, I hope if you ever happen upon a terrorist cell's secret plot to blow up a plane and pull off a 9/11-scale subway bombing, that you don't attempt to bust the cell yourself like Riyaaz does. One, because dumb as he is, Riyazz is smarter than you and two, it's the dumbest freaking thing I may have ever scene on CELLULOID.

Let me tell you something so you can pass it on to Riyazz and Avantika, 911 ain't just a new way of marking time in the western world. It's the number you call if you know a plane is about to explode or you discover a terrorist cell operating in the suburbs or terrorists and wife murderers have just chased you into your home.

Where can I buy that nifty first aid kit that Ehsaan and Avantika have in their bathroom cabinet that comes complete with a surgical needle? I'm going to need one of those after I gouge my eyes out watching your next movie.

Am I still supposed to sympathize with your hero after he pulls the trigger on that gun just because the terrorists didn't put bullets in it and the innocent fast food clerk doesn't get his brains blown out for no reason? Seriously?

The car chase- one man versus about 10 policemen. He's pinned down in his bullet-ridden SUV and yet he manages to take them all out and send the SUV up in flames with one shot despite the fact that it had been hit with 20-30 bullets already with no problem. Ok, sure.

Bodies have to be burnt to dust before dental record identification would be ruled out and they certainly wouldn't do so at the crime scene. But maybe I'm just being nit-picky now.

There's more. I know there is but my rage has been vented and I can't vent no more. Let me close with this quote from Karan,

“No, I don't see foresee any controversies around the film since it is only showing things as they are. It has been made with a huge level of sensitivity and I am sure it won't be offending anyone's sensibilities. “

First, you can't make a film about global terrorism without controversy and offending sensibilities. Whose sensibilities are you protecting anyway? There are terrorists and then there is everyone else. So, you're protecting terrorist sensibilities? Great logic. Second, what you have done is offend your audience's sensibilities and intelligence. Cut it out before you have no more audience...oh wait, you didn't have much for this film did you? Learn your lesson please. If you are too frightened or ignorant of an issue to deal with it assertively and clearly, then leave it to someone else. Your love stories are beautiful and of those, I am the biggest fan. So, maybe you should stick to those. And Rensil D'Silva should never ever make a movie about terrorists or freedom fighters or anyone remotely related to any struggle against anything ever again.

Koyla or Mute Stable Boys FTW!

If you haven't guessed already by the "K" title of this movie, it is a film by Rakesh Roshan. I have given Rakesh Roshan a bad rap in the past but I may have to give him the benefit of the doubt in the future after this most recent viewing of Koyla. I have found new depths to the movie that I didn't notice before and he does always entertain.

What bothers me most about Rakesh Roshan is that he borrows (and that's putting it nicely) so heavily from other films' plots and his movies are the kind that you feel guilty enjoying because they unabashedly cater to the lowest common denominator. In Koi Mil Gaya it was the painfully obvious similarities to E.T. and also the 1968 American film Charly. In Krrish he even copied himself which I will point out later in this review. In Koyla he did it again copying the Kevin Costner film Revenge plus a little bit of Rambo and just a dash of Forrest Gump. The effects are bad, the wardrobe and the hair is unforgiveable and he has stolen plots but what he also has is an action/romance/drama packed film that will keep you interested from beginning to end. What surprised me into reconsidering my inherent ambivalence towards his films are the Hindu symbols running through Koyla and the little touches here and there that reinforce them. Really cool stuff! (I have explained in more detail at the bottom of this review)

Koyla is the story of Raja Saab played by Amrish Puri who rules as a tyrant over the local villages and workers in his coal mines. (For those of you who have seen the movie before, Raja says "bloody fool" exactly 13 times. I counted just for you!) He has a crazy brother, Brijwa, who runs amok raping, pillaging, beating. He has a mute stable boy/slave (yes, he's called a slave) named Shankar played by Shah Rukh Khan (dil squish!). He also has a secretary, Bindiya, who sleeps with him for power and money when he can get it up, which it turns is not very often despite ingesting copious amounts of herbs which are a homemade version of Viagra. His inability to perform in the bedroom is blamed on the available woman not being desirable enough or so the local snake oil salesman tells him. He is advised to get himself a new woman who will stir his desire. Unfortunately for Gauri, played by Madhuri Dixit, it's about this time that Raja sees her for the first time and becomes obssessed with having her. Add to the mix Gauri's absentee brother and unscrupulous Auntie and Uncle and it's disaster for Gauri.

There is, of course, a love story at the heart of Koyla as well as a tale of evil deeds and vengeance. Shankar and Gauri's love story is quite beautiful. What makes it so is the way the two characters begin to evolve upon meeting each other and grow into their relationship and each other(despite the mad Rambo-like jungle chase they are involved in much of the time).

When we first see Shankar he is literally running with hunting dogs, he is compared in conversation to a loyal dog and he presents Raja's hunting prize to him on his knees, head down, giddy in his master's praise as a dog would. When Gauri enters the picture and Shankar realizes how she has been deceived and mistreated, he begins to look at Raja differently. It's as if Gauri awakens the compassionate human being in him. He begins to stand up for Bindiya and Gauri, eventually breaking away from Raja. He goes from slave to protector of innocents to man fighting for and winning the right to self-determination.

Just as Gauri awakens the compassionate human in Shankar, he awakens the woman in her. When we first see Gauri she is a mischievious woman-child still running around tormenting priests at the temple and spending her days with the village children. Once she finds herself married to the old, lecherous Raja she goes through a crisis, at the pinnacle of which she meets Shankar. When she realizes that she and Shankar are essentially in the same situation, both prisoners to Raja, she softens toward him and together, they care for each other and grow as people. As much as possible, in the situations she finds herself in, she is not a victim. She fights when she can and rebels when she can.

By the end of the film, both Shankar and Gauri have become strong people in charge of their own lives and able to punish those who robbed them of their choices before. They have also become a formidable team working together to achieve their goals and assert their personhood.

I also have to give kudos to the filmmakers for the way the relationship between Gauri and Bindiya is treated. So many times in life and in movies, women are each other's worst enemies. In Koyla, however, they do not pit the two against each other. Although Bindiya would have every motivation to resent Gauri, she does not. She becomes Gauri's protector and Gauri becomes hers. I definitely applaud the solidarity in that relationship as opposed to the easier and more titillating route of cat fighting and scheming the filmakers could have taken.

The main thing that Koyla has going for it in my opinion is of course Shah Rukh Khan. Even with one of the worst mullets in hair history (Where oh where was Dilshad?) the man is amazing to watch. He is nothing short of entrancing onscreen. In this role he is especially fascinating because he is mute for at least 2 hours so that all communication is done with body language and eyes. When he's a slave, before he begins to evolve, his posture is often curled in as if to look smaller and avoid notice or as someone constantly in fear of being whipped like an abused animal. His eyes convey an innocence and vulnerability that immediately inspire your compassion and protective instincts.



There is a scene where Gauri comes to his hut to tend his wounds. This scene will break your heart! His eyes somehow convey every slap, every whipping, every emotional scar and indignity that he has ever suffered without once shedding a tear. Throughout the film he conveys torment, confusion, love, anger, joy and sadness all with his eyes. I can't say enough about his performance. I can't imagine another actor pulling it off. Much has been said about Shah Rukh Khan's eyes and I have to agree. They have an eloquence that I have rarely, if ever, seen before.

I believe Madhuri Dixit is at the height of her beauty in this movie. Her dancing is wonderful. She is a great actress and she does a great job in Koyla. She is equally believable as the childish Gauri at the beginning through her transition to powerful, mature woman at the end. She is exquisite in the item number Sanson Ki Mala Pe Simroon Main Pee Ka Naam where she dances under the statue of Shiva. This is one of my favorite item numbers of all time. A terrific scene from beginning to end that should not be missed. This scene marks a very important transition in the movie and the characters which I will discuss in the religious symbols section at the end.



Finally, Amrish Puri as the lecherous old goat Raja Saab and Salim Ghouse as his lunatic, animalistic brother Brijwa are two of the creepiest villains in filmi history. Yes, they're campy and over the top but I defy you to not get the shivers at the thought of having Raja Saab turn his lustful gaze on you or at the prospect of being anywhere near Brijwa.

This film has a lot of problems, I'm not gonna lie. I rarely find Johnny Lever as funny as he is supposed to be but he's not horrible in the quiet scenes where he's just being Shankar's friend. His father is annoying throughout and none of the comedy in the film worked for me. When Shankar suddenly turns into Rambo in the jungle it's a bit silly but then you have a sweet scene where he brings Gauri food that kinda makes up for it. There's also a scene where he starts running and splints break off his legs a la Forrest Gump that will have you rolling your eyes. There is a lot of improbable stuff that happens during the "jungle time" as I like to call it but I truly believe that the relationships and evolution of characters in the film more than make up for it. And, hey, I grew up watching Rambo movies with my dad and I loved them, so what can I say?

That pretty much sums up my feelings about Koyla. It's not fully original, some parts are totally campy, over the top and just plain bad. However, the surprisingly smart and heartfelt evolution of the two main characters and their relationship plus the riveting performance by Shah Rukh Khan and the beauty and talent of Madhuri Dixit more than make up for the shortcomings. This is truly one of my favorite Shah Rukh films and, in my opinion, Rakesh Roshan's best film.

Religious symbols in Koyla-
I will be the first to admit that I am way out of my depth talking about Hindu religious symbols. I had a hunch while watching and did some research and the mind boggles at the amount of information I came up with. That being said, I think knowing that these symbols are there enrich the movie-watching experience and show that Rakesh Roshan is smarter than I gave him credit for previously. So, here's what I got and I encourage you to keep it in mind as you watch and see what else you can find.

Gauri is a young, innocent girl in the beginning of the film and is a representation of the goddess Gauri who represents purity and austerity. She is the Kanya (young, unmarried) Parvati who had undergone severe penance in order to get Lord Shiva as her husband. Unmarried girls pray to Gauri for a virtuous husband. The goddess Gauri is the peaceful, innocent aspect of the goddess Durga. Durga fought and killed Mahishasura and his army. This demon represents the egotistical propensity that brute strength is all that is needed to acquire selfish desires. You can see how Gauri in the movie follows the same evolution as her goddess namesake as she evolves into a strong woman who fights the evil of Raja Saab at Shankar's side. Raja Saab also uses his brute strength to obtain his wealth and Gauri and anything else he desires. Durga is the Mother Goddess. She is Mother Nature and Shiva is the Father of the Universe.

One of Shiva's many manifestations is as Shankara, giver of joy. So, Shankar in the beginning of the film is Shankara the peaceful, gentle manifestation of Shiva. But, we are given a clue to his forthcoming evolution in the first scene when Bindiya comments that "he is not a man but a storm." Rudra, another manifestation of Shiva, is the god of the roaring storm and is usually portrayed in accordance with the element he represents as a fierce, destructive deity. Rudra is also viewed as the protector of humanity against its enemies just as Shankar protests Gauri and Bindiya and eventually all those under Raja Saab's tyranny. Just as Shiva and Durga are consorts, so Gauri and Shankar are meant to be together.



Rudra is associated with the color red as is the goddess Gauri so watch for red in the movie. Durga is known for her mudras or small, precise hand movements, so pay attention to the way Gauri uses her hands when she dances. Also watch in the scene where Gauri goes to Shankar's hut to tend his wounds and she fixes his shrine which was disturbed in a fight. The shrine is dedicated to Shiva and Durga and we are shown Shankar's and Gauri's reflections in the glass of the pictures. This is pretty obvious foreshadowing that they are not going to be helpless for long. Finally, pay close attention to the Sanson Ki Mala Pe Simroon Main Pee Ka Naam item number mentioned above as it's my opinion that this scene is where the shift occurs from their peaceful manifestations of the gods to their destructive avatars. The intensity of the dance, the events that spur Gauri to dance and Shankar to play the drums (drums associated with Shiva) and the scene taking place under an enormous statue of Shiva kinda clue us in as well.

Before I close, I mentioned in the beginning that Rakesh Roshan has copied himself in Krrish and he does so from this film. I believe Shankar is an early incarnation of Krrish. Allow me to demonstrate: Krrish has superhuman powers including outrunning horses. Shankar has superhuman powers including outrunning dogs. Krrish is a simple, rustic raised in nature. Shankar too is a rustic character obviously quite close to nature as we see in the jungle scenes. Krrish wears horrible, homespun clothes using strange scarf as belt and Shankar also wears awful homespun clothes using rope as belt. Both go on quests to win the women they love and seek vengeance for their families. I rest my case.

Life in a ...Metro...Makes me Wanna Smack Somebody!

OK, deep cleansing breath...This movie sends all the wrong messages or, when it sends the right ones, it does so so late that the viewer no longer believes or cares. This is going to be FULL OF SPOILERS because no one should waste their time watching this movie if they haven't already.

Essentially, you have a film about eight people looking for love, companionship, sex, escape. First you are introduced to Rahul who works in a call center and lives in a flat that he is babysitting for someone else. He allows men he works with, who are in a position to help his career, to use the flat as a place for them to have sex with their girlfriends, mistresses, hookers. So, yeah, he's only about three steps removed from a pimp. By the time we find out his motivation, we no longer care because he's been so sullied by what he allows others to do in his home. He seems to maintain a clear conscience by figuring he's not hurting anyone because he's not the one bringing women to the flat. He learns that it's not that simple, however, when someone he cares about gets hurt within the walls of the apartment. But then he turns around and tries to get a promotion out of "dealing with the situation" for his boss who was the cause of it. Eventually, he changes his mind, quits his job and vows to go back home because he can't handle life in such a city. This implies that it was the evil city that made him do what he did. Sorry, I'm not buying it. We make our own choices in this life. At least be decent enough to take responsibility for your actions. In the end, he gets the girl though it's hard to see how he deserves her. Or is it?

It's Neha that Rahul is in love with. In the beginning of the movie she is oblivious to Rahul's feelings because she is having an affair with her and Rahul's married boss, Ranjit. She and Ranjit meet in Rahul's apartment for sex. During one of their meetings they argue and Ranjit offers her money for her services and then leaves her. She is so distraught that she drinks poison she finds in the apartment. Rahul finds her and calls Ranjit. Ranjit tells him to handle it and keep her away from her roommate, Ranjit's sister-in-law, until Ranjit can get back to town and fix things. Rahul balks and Ranjit reminds him that this is the kind of thing a junior manager does. Rahul takes this opportunity to extort a promotion out of Ranjit by saying it would take a senior manager at least. Neha, we already know, has tried to commit suicide at least once before because she just keeps choosing the wrong men. Well, I have some advice...stop it! Oh, and by the way, you don't get to feel sorry for yourself or get the audience's sympathy when you sleep with a married man...on his anniversary...when his wife, your roommate's sister, is at home hosting an anniversary party for all of their friends. Especially when you accept perks at work because of your relationship. Drinking poison....really? Get off the cross honey, someone else needs the wood! Maybe Rahul deserves you after all.

Ranjit, oh Ranjit. You make Gabbar Singh look like a sweetheart. Ranjit is so reprehensible that I have to transcribe some of his dialog to make it believable. Let's start with his inner monologue about Neha:
"Why am I with this girl? Because with her I get the happiness and peace that I don't get at home. Whether it's the house or the office there is always irritation, anger and tension. (Gee, I wonder why?) The mind is always thinking about the future. When I am with her, I feel like 20 again, free and full of joy. Is it wrong to be happy in life? This cannot be called deception, because nobody is getting hurt. So what the hell."
So, he's that rather pathetic specimen, "middle-aged man trying to recapture youth by sleeping with 20-something mistress". Fine, be the sad stereotype.

My real problem with Ranjit is the awful comparison that is made in the movie between what he does in carrying on a sexual affair for 2 years and what his wife, Shikha, does in having a 5 week flirtation with a man, Aakash, that never goes further than a few kisses. (As for Aakash, I don't believe Shikha was in love with him. He is an escape for her. An artisitic, passionate man to make her forget about her awful life at home. That's why she couldn't go through with sleeping with him or leaving with him. He is just one of those totured artist types who cause their own suffering because that's what they're truly in love with, their own pathos.)

I also have major issues with the scene where Shikha and Aakash almost sleep together. First, he takes her to a friend's apartment that is in such a seedy looking neighborhood and is, itself, so derelict looking that it looks like where you would find hookers and their customers. There are no other women anywhere. Outside the window there is a giant neon sign that says "LIVE" which is just lame. Throughout the whole scene they are bathed in red light which either means stop, warning or passion I guess. But what it really feels like is Shikha being labelled, not so subtly, as a scarlet woman.

But, back to my main problem. In the scene where Shikha is wrongfully made out to be just as bad, if not worse than, Ranjit, Ranjit has confessed his affair to her ONLY because he thinks he's already been outed by her sister. Shikha feels compelled to tell him about her flirtation with Aakash. The guilt and regret on her face as she confesses disgusts me but it's the righteous indignation that Ranjit gets to express that pisses me off. Again, the dialog is transcribed below because you have to read it to believe it:
R: "What she said to you is true. There is a girl in my life for the past 2 years. It isn't an emotional tie. It's a mistake. Can we start a new life? Can we put this behind us?" (Ranjit is expressionless the whole time)
S: "Shruti hasn't said anything to me." (Ranjit gets a "Why am I doing this then?" look on his face)
R: "Well, in that case, will you forgive me?"
S: "If I said the same thing to you, would you forgive me?" (She starts to cry and physically crumble)
R: "What is it?"
S: "I didn't go to the movies with Shruti. I went with someone else. I've been seeing him for about 5 weeks. I don't know when it started. Ranjit, I made a mistake. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I love you." (She looks so guilty and collapses onto his chest practically begging for forgiveness)
R: "It's ok, ok. Have you slept with him?" (He puts his hands lightly on her shoulder blades but then removes them as if she's too disgusting to touch)
S: "Ranjit, no." (She looks devestated)
R: "So this was going on while I was at work. Did he use my bedroom?"
S: "Ranjit, don't say such a thing." (He swipes a dish off the counter in anger)
R: "Is my daughter really mine?" (Their daughter is 8 years old and they've been married for 9 years.)
He then proceeds to leave her having every intention of shacking up with Neha permanently.

At first, when she said,"If I said the same thing to you, would you forgive me?" I was cheering. I thought, "Yes, great point." Men are always getting away with this behavior and their wives are expected to forgive them and welcome them back with gratitude and open arms. If a woman cheats, however, she is considered dirtied beyond redemption. I thought the filmmakers were going to take this opportunity to have Shikha take a stand and be strong and highlight this inequity but instead we got a disgusting reinforcement of the very double standard I was hoping they were about to criticize.

Shikha is such a victim in this scene. As she grew more distraught making her confession, I grew angrier and angrier, watching in disbelief as she was made out to be as bad a Ranjit. She allowed her lesser betrayal to be equated with his absolute betrayal, not just equated but somehow she is demonized and made out to be the more despicable of the two. She is ultimately left shattered and weeping while he runs off to his mistress feeling like the injured party, escaping the consequences of his actions.

In the end, Ranjit comes crawling home after Neha chooses Rahul instead of him. Shikha, of course, takes him back. Early in the movie the filmmakers make a point of telling us that Shikha quit working because Ranjit wanted her to and that she was actually capable of making a better living than he. So what should have happened is Shikha should have left him and made her own way but, no. They end up back together presumably because she feels that she's no better than he so if she wants to be forgiven, she has to forgive or maybe that old gem of "staying together for the children." Whatever the reason, the filmmakers utterly failed to do the right thing.

Next we have Amol and Shivani. They were childhood sweethearts until he left for American one day telling her he'd be back. She didn't hear from him for 40 years until he sends her a letter out of the blue asking her to meet him. They meet, they still have feelings for each other, he reveals that he's come back to India and to her to die. While I felt like I was supposed to like this couple, I couldn't help thinking how selfish it was of Amol to come back after 40 years of silence so he could spend his last days being cared for by Shivani and leaving her alone with her grief...again. Oh, how romantic, how tragic...how full of crap! Where was his regret for abandoning her 40 years ago with no explanation? As it turns out, Shivani dies first. We don't hear a peep about his regrets until Shivani's dead and for obvious reasons, she never hears an apology. I guess outliving her is his punishment?

Finally, meet Shruti and Monty. They are using a website a la Shaadi.com to meet potential mates. They meet for coffee. We see Monty ogling a woman's legs on his way to the coffee shop and when he gets a peek at Shruti's cleavage, he falls silent and stares openmouthed. I don't like Monty at this point and neither does Shruti. The coffee date ends abruptly but then they keep running into each other. He later explains the ogling by confessing that he's a 38 year old virgin. So, I guess we're to forgive men who stare at our breasts as long as they have the excuse of 38 years of unrelieved horniness. Give me a break! Even if I was willing to let the lechery go and let myself get sucked in by their slow building friendship that blossoms into love, I am then expected to just forget that Monty has jilted and humiliated the woman he promised to marry when he rides away on his horse from his wedding procession to let Shruti know that he returns her love. Sorry, nice guys don't do that.

I probably should be bothered by Shruti's "Egads, I'm an old maid and better get married now" thing she has going on but I'm not. Yes, 28 is a bit early to panic about becoming a spinster and it should be enough that she supports herself and has her own apartment and life but different cultures, different standards. It's ok, I get it.

So there you have it. A film about love stories with some of the most unloveable, undeserving of love characters that I have ever encountered. I still cannot believe the message they sent about Shikha's small indiscretion compared to Ranjit's ongoing affair. This idea that a woman who is anything less than an absolute paragon of virtue is a whore is utter bullshit and the filmmakers should be ashamed of themselves for perpetuating it. I'm talking to you Anurag Basu!

Some final random notes:

1. Based on the background music, I think the montage of Rahul trying to reschedule everyone at the fuck pad was meant to be humorous. Frankly, I just found it seedy and disgusting.
2. Now I know why Hindi films have stars lip synch and playback singers are hidden. The guys who sing the songs in this movie are, quite frankly, suitable only for radio. I'm still wondering if the singer is blind because of the way he squints. Add to that the body movements of Bob Seger and you can imagine how scary looking he is. They look like the guys who had a hair band when they were in high school in the 80s and decide to get back together for the 20th high school reunion complete with pot bellies and long, thinning hair.
3. The whole storyline of Shruti's boss setting her up, unknowingly, as a beard for the gay RJ that he's secretly dating and who she has a huge crush on is just awful. What a horrible thing to do to someone. And the Brokeback Mountain poster in the boss's office...real subtle.

Wake Up Sid! I Just Fell in Love.

Like the first soft drops of the monsoon, Sid's quiet tears on Aisha's doorstep and the gentle development of the love between them, Wake Up Sid crept gently into that part of my heart reserved for films that become part of my psyche, happy places that I visit when I need to smile.

I won't go into too much plot detail with spoilers because I don't wish to deprive anyone of the experience of falling in love with this perfect, simple film. Like Aisha's article, this movie is a love letter to Mumbai, to independence and to the journey from childhood to adulthood. If you're a bit older than the characters in the movie, as I am, it can be about waking up to the fact that life is just passing you by if you're not doing something you love. There are still things to be learned about yourself even 10 years down the road.

Konkona Sen Sharma as Aisha is wonderful as usual. I like her so much as an actress. She doesn't have the kinetic vibrancy of Kajol, my other favorite actress, but she has a soulfulness, intelligence and quiet strength that she brings to her characters that I adore. She is nurturing without losing herself which I heartily applaud. So often, women nurture by sacrificing parts of themselves, but her characters never seem to lose their identities while steering the men in their lives to self actualization.

Ranbir Kapoor surprised me and I think I have a small crush on him now. He portrays Sid's youthful arrogance and sense of entitlement with just enough sweetness to make sure the audience cares for him and is invested in his journey. As Sid grows as a person, Ranbir brings a new vulnerability to the character that makes you believe that Sid is learning and maturing. You really care about this spoiled brat and root for him.

Sid's friends Rishi and Laxmi don't get nearly enough screen time if you ask me but they do tremendous jobs with what they are given. Played by Namit Das and Shikha Talsania respectively, Sid's friends are endearing and real and you'll wish you had a Rishi and Laxmi in your life. They are so likeable as characters that they help greatly in winning the audience over to Sid because if he has such great friends, then he must not be just a spoiled brat but a good person with a good heart as well. I look forward to seeing both of them in future films.

What can I say about Anupam Kher as Sid's dad? Anupam is my favorite film dad of all time. When he's at his best playing a father (and he's at his best here), I always believe that his kid(s) are the most important thing in his life and that he loves them unconditionally. His performances are so warm and realistic that, no matter how small or ancillary the role, I enjoy them thoroughly.

Supriya Pathak is lovely too as Sid's mother. There are times when she looks at Sid with such love and hope in her eyes, pleading with him to acknowledge that he understands what she does for him and how much she loves him, that it almost breaks your heart.

Finally, we have Rahul Khanna as Aisha's boss. He's handsome, sexy, intelligent and, ultimately, a good guy. Rahul Khanna pulls off this small role beautifully. He flawlessly embodies every woman's fantasy about the sophisticated, gorgeous, older man we dream of sweeping us off our feet.

The screenplay and direction by Ayan Mukherji are terrific, especially considering this is his debut film. It feels as though the screenplay was fully realized before filming began which doesn't often seem to be the case with Hindi films. As a screenwriter he has written a story about relationships and becoming who you're meant to be that really makes sense. As a director , he has made the interaction between the characters and each of their journeys feel authentic and logical but, at the same time, very heartfelt and loving. He has also made Mumbai feel like a magical, beautiful place and one of the most vital characters in the movie. If I hadn't wanted to travel there before, I certainly do now.

So, as the first rains of the monsoon transform Mumbai, do those first tears of Sid's begin the transformation of an irresponsible young man to loving, successful adult? You have to watch the movie! Where will you end up? If you're like me, you'll end up wishing you lived in Aisha's flat, had friends like Sid's and were standing on the shore in Mumbai as the first monsoon rains fall on you.

But, even if you don't have those things, you might just be inspired to rethink what it is you really want to do with your life and, at the very least, Wake Up Sid will be a happy little place that you can always go to when you need a smile.

Sholay or Those Are Some Fancy Shoes Thakur or D'Oh! Widowed Again or Bromance Forever

For Bollywood 70s Week, I chose to begin with the movie that is said to have changed Indian cinema forever, the Blockbuster of all blockbusters, Sholay. Till now, I haven't seen any Bollywood film older than Shah Rukh Khan's oldest film so, say 1994? I don't have much of a frame of reference for my review of Sholay as either representative of the 70s or the revelation it apparently turned out to be to film audiences. I don't know what typical 70s fare was in Bollywood or how Sholay may have differed from that. I most likely cannot do it justice because while I was watching it,I was thinking more about the Clint Eastwood movies I grew up watching with my Dad than any other Hindi films. So, with that disclaimer...on with the review.

Sholay does have several things that make me happy: 1) morally ambiguous heroes a la my favorite of all time, Han Solo. Yes they are just there for the money in the beginning but eventually a hot chick and doing the right thing will get them to stick around, 2) a motorcycle with a sidecar. I don't know why but I've always loved them, 3) someone playing a poignant harmonica at dusk while someone else listens wistfully, and 4) a villain who refers to himself in the third person and lackeys who laugh when the villain laughs because they don't want to die. It also has an ambiguously gay duo, an annoying chatterbox played by Hema Malini who is supposed to be charming, about an hour too much film, and an unfortunate attempt at humor in the form of a prison warden who looks like Hitler. Has Hitler ever been even slightly amusing? Didn't think so.


I enjoyed all of the performances except for Hema Malini. Maybe she was bad or maybe it was just an awful role and she played it well, either way, I wish I'd had Amitji's earplugs. Jaya had the perfect look for the young, soulful widow. She didn't really do much throughout the film but I thought she was physically perfect for the role. Dharmendra was charming as the funny, boisterous half of the heroic duo and Amitabh was the perfect foil as the quieter more intense of the two. Let me also say, as much as he irritates me in his current public avatar, in 1975 Amitabh could definitely rock a red T-Shirt. I found him much more compelling in the attraction department than I did Dharmendra.


That was the end of Gabbar Singh, the man who killed my father, raped and murdered my sister, burned my ranch, shot my dog and stole my Bible.


OK, so I stole that from the opening of Romancing the Stone. In my defense, I couldn't stop thinking of the opening scenes of Romancing the Stone when the movie was showing us the dastardly deeds of our villain. He's a real baddie, make no mistake. He will kill your daughters and their husbands and then smile into the eyes of your innocent, young grandson as he pulls the trigger. He'll also cut off both of your arms simultaneously with a couple of wicked looking swords. You do not want to cross Gabbar Singh! That's why Thakur hires those wacky thieves Jai and Veeru to do the job for him...well that and he doesn't have arms anymore so kinda hard to do it himself.

After we're introduced to the characters and we get the exposition out of the way, what follows is several near misses between Gabbar's bandits and Jai and Veeru. When they're not out trying to capture Gabbar, Veeru is drinking and making passes at the annoying chatterbox and Jai is soulfully playing the harmonica...at dusk and tempting the sad little widow Radha (Jaya). Sholay is pretty much your typical shoot 'em up western revenge tale. The shootout scenes were not too much more over the top than what you'll find in any American western which was a bit of a surprise. Sholay is definitely derivative of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, as well as any of the spaghetti westerns you can think of. If you like those movies, you'll probably get a kick out of Sholay.

Ultimately, I guess Sholay didn't really live up to all of the hype for me but that's often what happens when you hear great things about a movie before you see it. I will say that it seemed rather restrained in the filminess department so maybe it was considered gritty and realistic when it came out? Again, it was just ok for me. I've read that there is an alternate ending in which the Thakur gets to finish killing Gabbar but it was censored to prevent sending any positive messages about vigilantism. I would have liked that ending better. Actually, I think Radha should have gotten to do the deed since he basically widowed her twice. In any case, I'd rather watch Clint Eastwood. Sholay is the stuff that legends are made of but, like the Beatles and the Rolling Stones, I guess you kinda had to be there. (Oh stop gasping! Not everyone loves the Beatles and the Rolling Stones you know!)

Salaam Namaste or Greetings! You're Pregnant? Goodbye.

SPOILERS!!!!!!!


Salaam Namaste is the story of two 20-something NRI's, Nick and Ambar, living in Melbourne. She has defied her family's expectations and left India for Australia where she's a radio “RJ” and medical student. He studied architecture as his father wanted but became a chef instead because that's what he wanted. They meet, sort of, hate each other, really meet, love each other and then things get complicated.

I don't like most of the Indian comedies that I come across. I find the humor too broad and slapstick for my taste (There's a reason I consider a love of the 3 Stooges a deal-breaker in any and all relationships!). So, I was afraid from the first 20 minutes or so of Salaam Namaste that the movie was going to be awful. Weird sound effects, that whole freeze-a-character-on-screen-while-a- narrator-introduces-them-and-then-quickly-cut-back-to-the-action thing complete with wacky sound effects, and the clownish side characters had me poised over the stop button on my remote control. Add to that the fact that Nick and Ambar were both really unlikeable at first. Nick is an irresponsible man-child who refuses to apologize for bad behavior and Ambar is no better. She stoops to Nick's level and the first 20 minutes is like watching two five year olds play “I know you are but what am I.” Saif acts poorly in the first few scenes and Preity is at her shrill, overly bubbly worst. The one thing that kept me from turning it off after 10 minutes was Ron (Arshad Warsi). Meet Ron, Nick's best friend, we like him.

Sweet, clueless but goodhearted, Ron is pretty much the only conscience that Nick has for the first 2/3 of the film.

Still, even Ron's goofy sweetness couldn't keep me from giving up but then one of the best parts of the movie happened...this kid

Seriously, he made me laugh out loud so I decided to sit down and commit for the duration of the film. It was not a bad decision as soon after, Nick and Ambar finally meet face to face and the chemistry between Preity and Saif kicks in and they are kind of adorable together. I'm not saying the scorch the screen but they're like two exuberant puppies that are just too cute to ignore. When Nick first sees Ambar:



Maybe it's her nipples! That's the first female nipple I've ever seen in a Hindi film. I've been thinking they must tape those babies down because in all the rain scenes and dancing in the frozen Alps, I've marveled at never having seen one.

What follows is your typical, tropical, Fame-goes-to-the-beach item number. See the mulletted groom?

I did love the dance sequence in the water.

If there's one thing that Hindi films have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt it's that people are sexier when you just add water (though maybe not the pasty white groom). I think Hollywood should take note. I wouldn't mind seeing George Clooney in a rain scene or two.

The next hour or so is filled with much squishy sweetness that had my dil going Mmmmm which, by the way, is the name of the next item number which I enjoyed despite the toothache it gave me, plus Preity in the cutest outfit ever:

Nick finally shows up at the radio station for his interview. Who wouldn't melt?

His proposal to her that they live together is one of the most sigh-worthy speeches you will ever hear. So, Ambar and Nick have moved in together, they've fallen in love and so have I despite their rocky start with each other and my rocky start with this movie.

Unfortunately, just when things are going well for me and our heroes, consequences must be faced. Ambar discovers that she is pregnant despite the fact that they use protection ALL the time. In the awful scene where this conversation takes place, she reminds Nick that no birth control method is 100% effective. I almost expected her to then say “except abstinence.” But she couldn't because Nick was too busy saying this:

A piece of advice to the men out there, that's probably the worst thing you could say to a woman who just told you that she is pregnant with your child.

Nope, actually, that is.

The next 20 minutes or so play out like some Christian school Health class video on the evils of abortion. Let me just say here that I'm not comfortable with the abortion debate as a whole. I used to be strongly pro-life but as I got older, I realized that no one can really know what the best decision is until they find themselves in that position. Which is the point, it's a decision that a person has to make one way or the other. I am passionately against abortion as a form of birth control and in a perfect world, no one would ever become pregnant without planning for it but the world is far from perfect. Women have to make the decision for themselves and answer to their own conscience and belief system as they see fit. So, the movie has its soap box and I've just had mine. Let's move on.

Ambar does not have the abortion which infuriates Nick and has him accusing her of ruining both of their lives. Ambar refuses to leave the home they have already paid a year's rent on so for the next 9 months, conveniently, they live together while Ambar nurses her heartbreak and Nick nurses his petulance at not getting his way. Eventually, of course, Nick realizes that he loves Ambar and wants to spend the rest of his life with her and their twins...yes, twins and we end with a filmi delivery that only Bollywood and Father of the Bride II could give us.

Overall, the movie was OK. I had the same reaction that I have for many movies I see. As a whole,not very clear in its message or purpose but it definitely had a scene here and there that was worth the watch. My remaining gripes are that I think Nick showed himself to be an immature, selfish a-hole and I didn't see anything in the story that convinced me that he had gone on any kind of journey that changed him or matured him. I don't quite know why Ambar would really take him back after the way he acted. My heart genuinely broke for her during the Tu Jahaan item number, one of the best parts of the movie, in which she keeps imagining Nick being the loving partner at her side that she wants him to be. I also don't know what they really have in common that they could base a marriage on. I have a hard time believing that he will make a good father. I actually see Ambar as a divorced, single mom not too far down the road. I kept hoping for Ron to have a "Snap out of it!" talk with Nick and give him a couple of tight slaps but, alas, his character was underused in that capacity. In addition, I find the film follows that old about-NRIs-film cliché of glorifying the “NRI lifestyle” of living alone, away from family, engaging in premarital sex, etc. Then, BOOM! Hitting you with the devastating consequences of living that life i.e. the thinly veiled “this is what you get for having pre-marital sex” scene and the pro-life propaganda film. But in the end, having the characters do the “right” thing that all good boys and girls do and get married. To the extent that he actually stops her during hard labor for a proposal scene so they can be engaged before the babies pop out.

All to reassure the aunties and uncles back home in India that their wayward families and the boys they want their daughters to marry, are acceptable despite being raised wrong. It's OK if you want to make movies with that message but it's been done before, more directly and more convincingly.

Anyway, maybe I took this movie too seriously. I didn't intend to until the whole “Kill it!” scene. That, I could not ignore. Two things to be praised:

Abhi makes everything better!! Loved his special appearance as the bumbling doctor. Yes, he's ridiculous but he's Abhi...he makes me smile no matter what.

The crazy landlord, well-played by Jaaved Jaffrey, was funny at times though the interaction with his brainless bimbo (the only recurring white character in the movie, of course) girlfriend got really old really fast. Still, someone should have won an award for the perfectly calico side burns!

Anyway, quite a bit to laugh at and quite a bit to bitch about but then I have a talent for bitching. Still, I think most people could definitely miss this movie and not be missing much.